I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
