I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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