I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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