I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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