i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
