A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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