I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
