He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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