i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
