Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
