Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
