Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
