This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
