He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
