I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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