ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
