you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
