I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
