I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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