just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
