Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
