Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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