I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
