even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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