I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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