TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
