I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
