I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
