He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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