Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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