you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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