Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
