Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
