Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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