____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
