Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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