Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
