Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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