sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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