how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
