what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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