I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
