i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
