the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
