Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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