I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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