If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
