im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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