You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
