I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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