Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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