Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
