Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize