remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
