Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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