I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
