her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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