I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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