Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
