A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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