Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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