eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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