what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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