oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
