so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
