While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
