i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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