he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
