Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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