Its about making memories worth repressing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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